Ever lose a friend to their significant other? Ever lose a best friend to their significant other?
Hopefully your answer to both of those questions is "no", but unfortunately for me, my answer is "yes". Oh, and "significant other" can be replaced with a various number of words, none of which could be said in front of your grandmother.
I guess I've always been aware of how some women can change when they are dating someone, some more extreme than others, but this is my first experience with a GUY changing when he is in a relationship. I won't go through ALL the details, but I have been friends with this guy for 6 years, close as can be, been through a lot together. In addition to a close friendship, there was also a sexual relationship, off and on. Nothing serious really, the friendship always took precedence, but we were definitely beyond friends in many ways. Anyways, nothing has happened between the two of us in almost 2 years now. We've gone our separate ways (he's in the Navy & I moved to NY), but we always remained in contact and I was by far out of all of his friends the one who visited him the most, no matter where he was stationed. His girlfriends came and went (most of which I easily became friends with) and that was that.
Fast forward to the present.
Last year around this time he started dating a new girl. This pretty much meant nothing to me, he's quite the ladies man. Within a matter of 2 months they were living together, back in FL (formerly in Cali). As usual I made the attempt to befriend the new girl, offering up my friendship, especially when he was away on duty. Everything seemed fine.
Then the shit hit the fan.
She asked him about our relationship and he came clean telling her that in years past it was much more than a friendship, but that in the past year or so, we've been just friends. Well boy did things change. She freaked out, saying she was "shocked". Eventually after a loooong email to her letting her know I wasn't interested in him anymore like that and that it was ancient history, things seemed to be ok. Well long story short, all this time Ive spent sincerely reaching out to her has been crap because all the while she has been secretly hating me, jealous of my friendship with him. The worst part is that over time, my relationship with the guy has dwindled to practically non-existent. He has told me that he doesn't take my calls when she is there because it starts a fight. Basically, in an over sized nutshell, Ive lost all contact with him and he has made no attempt to contact me. Months now.
Oh yea, and ps, they're engaged. I found out via Myspace, she posted a bulletin before he could even call me.
At least so I thought up until last night when a close friend of both of ours informed me that they actually already got married....but the ceremony is next year. Right, Im sure I'll be invited.
When I discuss this with friends I realize I am not sad, but more in a state of shock that I could be so surprised by someone who I have been so close to for all these years. It's sad to make that realization that he wasn't the person you thought, but also lets you know who your real friends are.
Why do people change like that? Guys in particular. Are they so blinded by whatever they feel that they see the awful demands of their loved one as acceptable? Or are they just gutless, scared little bitches?
I think you know my answer. Happy Monday!
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3 comments:
There's bound to be some dropoff anytime a friend embarks on a new relationship, unless you move into that "couples" zone where you still do everything together and drag your signifs with you (I prefer the former I think, lol). But I think it's unfair to drop everyone in your life for one new person, and I say that as a person who did it. I could have handled it better. But the Man and I are private people anyway and I know everyone says it but we really are each other's best friend so I find it hard to make time for other people, but I do try which is more than I can say for some. I was once insecure about the Man's women friends as he was unsure about my male ones. In time, we realized how silly our doubts were. Maybe in time she will realize how silly her insecurities are too, but he can't do it for her sadly.
Plus, you are very pretty and outgoing and that can be very intimidating. :) Don't give up on him yet!
heh. you profess to have no interest etc in him and are so hurt when he stops contact with you 'coz she insists? Come on - you are definintely tryin to dominate his life and for once, he met a girl who put her foot down. I've met other girls like you - you just don't want to leave a guy, even when you've dried up the realtionship. Advice - grow up.
P.S. do you know what happened to that TJ's place blog? I came here via there.
shaft, did you even read my post because your response makes no sense. Ive never tried to dominate anything with him, we were best friends, and now we're not, because of a girl who has security issues. I am hurt that it ended up like this, but no, I dont have any interest in him anymore, he is an entirely different person. Next time you give "grow up" advice, make sure it applies.
ps- TJ's blog has been dead for year's now
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